Nobody can compete with you on being you
What you are about to read is a process of self-discovery. To be honest, I had no idea where this would lead. My hope is that you walk away with one valuable insight. If not, then you’ll have to settle for a chuckle or two.
It all began with a couple of questions I let my mind chew on.
“What’s the answer to a question you’re frequently asked? What does it reveal about you?”
I broke this down into a 3-step process:
Make a list of the questions that others ask me.
Determine how I typically answer them.
Discover what it reveals about me.
This sounds self-centered, but don’t worry, what follows isn’t a diary entry. I promise there’s a spiky takeaway in store.
Step 1.
First, I had to come up with a list of questions that others ask me. This was harder than it sounds. But afterward, I realized your personal FAQ list provides a fascinating insight into who you are.
Here’s a peek at my jotted down list:
Why are you so obsessed with sports?
Why do you listen to so many podcasts?
How did you travel abroad to multiple countries all alone?
But, as is often the case, it took an unexpected turn as soon as it came into contact with reality. I asked my fiancé, “Do you care about my answers to any of these?”
“Not at all” she retorted.
Instead of continuing to rack my brain, I simply asked her, “What question do you ask me all time?” And without hesitation, she blurted out, “Why are you so structured?”
Ah, the beautiful directness only your partner can provide. I would have gone with something a little more elegant such as, “How are you so disciplined?” But let’s roll with hers.
It’s funny how much more clearly others can see you than you can see yourself. Seems to be a bug in our programming. I call it the paradox of self-observation. It’s like when you can’t tell you have lost (or gained) a few pounds because you see yourself in the mirror everyday. But your best friend can instantly tell you how fit (or fat) you look the next time you hang out.
Step one complete ✅.
Onward.
Step 2.
Why am I so structured? I never noticed, but now that I think about it, my stepmom used to ask me the same thing. So did my brother. Even a few of my roommates. Now my fiancé. They must be on to something. It got me thinking…
Was it because I craved control after my parents sudden divorce when I was two years old?
Maybe it gave me a sliver of self-respect after experiencing a deep sense of inadequacy as a kid?
Or could it be because I was tired of my natural tendency to “go with the flow” and determined that was not the stream I wanted to float down?
All valid hypotheses. But the truth was unlikely to be a clickbait-worthy headline.
The answer to the beautifully articulated question my fiancé (+ stepmom, + brother, and + roommates) was….
That’s just who I am.
Pretty boring, huh?
I thought so too at first. But let’s dig deeper.
Now you may be wondering why so many people in my life asked me “Why are you so structured?” Perhaps it was because they witnessed my morning routine. Which currently includes:
Wake up at 05:55.
Meditate for 21 minutes.
Drop to the floor to do 21 pushups.
Write in isolation in my office for 21 minutes.
Read for 21 minutes while sipping on a warm cup of coffee.
Head to the gym where I attempt to pump some iron for 21 minutes.
The question seems valid now, right?
You also may be thinking, “what’s with the 21-minute obsession?”
But that’s another story for another time.
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On to the final step.
Step 3.
What does this reveal about me? And more importantly, what value can YOU walk away with?
It revealed just how much time I’ve wasted trying to become someone I’m not. I realized that certain aspects of who we are just come naturally to us. No psychological interrogation necessary. Sorry therapists.
Think about it. What questions do people come to you with? Probably something that comes quite naturally to you. An area that you have mastered. Because you’ve done it over and over. And it’s no big deal to you now.
Contrary to what 98.6% of self-help books try to shove down your throat, you don’t need to change who you are. You are weird. And that’s ok. You are unlike any of the nearly 8 billion people alive today. Nor should you want to be. Nobody has the same life experiences as you. You are who you are for a reason. And the world needs you to be your natural self.
As my guy Naval Ravikant said: “You can never compete with me on being me. And I can never compete with you on being you.”
I found this out the hard way so you don’t have to. It’s impossible to change who you naturally are. But the good news is, you don’t need to. In fact, you’d be better off doubling down on who you quintessentially are.
Don’t just accept who you are. Embrace it. That’s how you will discover your superpower.
It’s your most important weapon to fight off the tyranny of mediocrity. As with all weapons, they can be double-edged swords, so handle with care.
Conclusion.
Fuel the parts of you that come most naturally. That is where your greatness lies.
Keep asking for feedback from those closest to you. They will reveal what you are a natural at better than you can. Because you spend too much time around you to know who you really are. Weird, right?
I encourage you to take a minute or two and go through this process yourself. What questions do people ask you all the time? What answers do you give them? What does this reveal about who you are?
Ask them often and answer them honestly. You may discover who you are meant to be so you can stop struggling to become who you think you ought to be.
I loved you referring to Naval Ravikant as "my guy"! Excellent essay.