I hate being embarrassed but would recommend it to everyone
Embarrassment is underpriced
There have been moments in your life when you had an experience that you know you will have to carry with you to your grave because of how embarrassing it was.
That was my plan, but f*** it.
It was Monday, June 22, 2015.
I found myself on the 19th floor of Centennial Tower at 101 Marietta Street in downtown Atlanta. 22 years young. Fresh out of college. Broke. Getting my first taste of slavery employment life.
At exactly 10:15 am, my new boss Jon stood up from his desk and uttered two words that, to this day, send shivers down my spine — “Hot seat!”
What’s that?
Hot seat is the right of passage event when the new sales class for the Atlanta Hawks basketball organization are summoned to the conference room where we each must make our first cold call to a real human (on speakerphone).
Pretty intimidating, right?
But Jon didn’t think that was enough. So he invited the entire department to join us.
Now there’s roughly fifty people packed into this room which increased the actual temperature considerably. But the pressure to perform was white hot. Hence the term hot seat.
“Alright Arman, you’re up.”
Palms sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy, and whatever I had for dinner last night was ready to make an appearance on my ill-fitting suit.
Did I mention I’m an introvert? What kind of sick cosmic joke was being played on me?
My fingers trembled as I dialed the phone number. And I could taste the salty sweat forming on my upper lip as I waited.
Ring…
Please don’t answer.
Ring…
Please don’t answer.
Ring…
Please don’t answer.
“Hello?”
Shit.
My voice cracked as I forced out the words from my script, “Um, hi this is Atlanta Hawks calling from the Arman Khodadoost’s.”
*palm to forehead*
A roar of laughter erupted in the room as my face flushed.
Wait. No. That wasn’t right.
“I mean, hi this is Arman Khodadoost calling from the Atlanta Hawks. May I please speak to Cheryl?”
I felt like a circus monkey wearing a little top hat being forced to perform its latest trick for the audience.
Needless to say, Cheryl did not agree to buy anything from me.
That was nine years ago and is still, hands down, the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I learned something profound that day.
Embarrassment is an underpriced emotion.
We do everything in our power not to feel it. Yet, as Colin Marshall put it, Compulsive avoidance of embarrassment is a form of suicide.
Embarrassment sucks. But I like to think of it as fear leaving the body.
The more embarrassing moments you face, the more resilient you become.
Of course, the ancients figured this out a few thousand years ago.
The stoics had their own version of the dreaded hot seat. They would stroll around the streets of Athens wearing a ridiculous outfit, probably some whacky-looking toga. Fully expecting to be made fun of, ridiculed, and harassed by their peers.
But this trained them not to be crippled by embarrassment. It was a way to workout their who-cares-what-others-think-about-you muscle.
That’s tough to do these days.
But there’s still a couple fun experiments you can try:
Noah Kagan’s coffee challenge: Walk into your local coffee shop, order your latte, and before you pay, ask the barista for a 10% discount. They will glare at you with a raised eyebrow. Sit with the discomfort. They’ll likely say no. But getting the discount isn’t the point. Simply feel the rush of embarrassment. It will pass.
Tim Ferriss’s relax-in-public challenge: The next time you find yourself in a crowded place, lie down in the middle of the floor for sixty seconds. People will stare, point, and whisper to one another. Sit with the discomfort. Then stand up and carry on as if what you did was completely normal. Simply feel the rush of embarrassment. It will pass.
I’ve done both several times and must admit, the coffee challenge is more embarrassing, yet also more fun.
As far as I know, there are zero documented cases of death by embarrassment. But by compulsively avoiding it, you might as well be dead.
Your thoughts? Criticisms? Complaints? Please leave a comment below.
When I was in theater conservatory at university we had to put ourselves in an intentionally embarrassing public situation as an assignment. It was still end of summer and I used green food coloring to turn every inch of visible skin in my shorts and tank top bright green and then went shopping as though everything was completely normal. And that was tame compared to what many of my classmates did.
Very interesting read filled with smile throughout, as usual Arman! 🙂
From my expedition so far, its true for all kind of triggering emotions- once we start facing them, those emotions no longer frighten our subconscious mind.
Two questions that I recently became conscious that am embarrassed about are, age and the relationship status 😀 but once it’s faced, it feels much lighter.
The more we get to converse and not shy away, the more we learn about ourselves.