Productive procrastination

Photo by Andreas Klassen on Unsplash

New year’s day 2018.

Driiiiin. Driiiiin. Driiiiin.

The horrible shrieking sound woke me up like an ice bucket splashing on my head. I groggily rolled over and swung my arm across the bed to reclaim the silence by pressing snooze.

“There’s no way it’s time to wake up”, I thought to myself. But I peeped through my good eye. 5:00.

The first day of my new and “improved” life had begun.

I sat down crisscross applesauce on my new Christmas present (a meditation pillow). And meditated for twenty minutes. Immediately followed by ten minutes of Wim Hof breathing.

For many people that would be more than enough. But for me?

Not quite.

“Now where’s my five minute journal?” I wondered. Ah, there she is. I journaled for (you guessed it) five minutes.

Then I swiped that brand new self-help book off the shelf. And cracked it open for a thirty minute reading session. I think it was called “How to lose friends and piss people off” or something.

“Maybe I should brush my teeth?” I thought.

No time.

Onward.

I rushed out the door and sprinted into LA Fitness as I chugged the last few sips of my preworkout. And threw around some weights that should’ve been much heavier since I’d been working out for ten years.

Followed by a quick shower where the water temperature only had two settings. Scalding or freezing.

Then I realized I only packed one sock. No time to go back home though so I wore one clean one and one not so clean.

Checked my phone. 8:51.

“Sh**. I’ve gotta get to the hospital by 9:00 for my first surgery of the day.”

*I wasn’t a doctor. But had somehow convinced my boss that my high school anatomy class had adequately prepared me to advise physicians on how to use various medical devices. All while they performed life altering surgeries on unsuspecting patients who would have (rightly) elected to not have the procedure if they knew I was in the operating room.*

Anyways….

I zigged and zagged my way through traffic while listening to the latest Tim Ferriss podcast on 3x speed. My attempt to jam some more nice-to-have information into my thick skull.

I stumbled into the OR at 9:01 forgetting to secure my mask properly over my face. This was pre-Covid, so I had zero mask etiquette.

Whew.

I’d already been awake for four hours. But I’d somehow managed to check off (nearly) everything on my morning routine list.

“I’m freaking exhausted. But this is what it takes, right?”

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Have you ever experienced a morning like that?

If you’ve ever dipped your toe into the muddy waters of the productivity world, then odds are high.

I kept this up for five years with slight tweaks here and there. Fueled by copious amounts of stimulants (mainly preworkout and coffee). But was I any better off?

Nope. Five years wasted so hopefully you don’t have to.

It was nothing more than productive procrastination. One of the most harmful activities that disguise themselves as useful.

You already know what my mornings were like, but I didn’t even mention the rest of the day. I would cram in a few extra minutes of podcasts, books, or Youtube videos whenever time permitted.

I spent a majority of my waking hours as a functioning productive procrastinator.

So recently I dropped it all. I thought this would ruin me but turns out I’ve been just fine.

Actually, I’ve been better than fine for the simple fact that I don’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn anymore.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but….

You don’t need a four hour morning routine…

You don’t need to devour all the information…

You don’t need to tap into your third chakra…

You don’t need to stand in front of the mirror and shout affirmations at your reflection…

ETC.

How do I know?

Well, I’ve tried them all. For a long, long time.

I’m not saying the placebo effect doesn’t help a little. But none of them are requirements. No matter what the gurus tell you. Not to mention any names (Andrew Huberman).

Ahhhhh, what a relief.

So please, don’t be like me. Don’t waste your precious life being a productive procrastinator.