“Here lies a man who accumulated millions of marshmallows but never discovered what they taste like.” -- Yep. 100%. On the other hand, this current obsession with instant gratification ain't good either. We should try to position ourselves in the middle. Like, how about durable gratification? Good stuff, Arman. :)
Great essay! You’re right that there’s no one-size fits all approach. I’m like you. Even as a kid I could put my head down and grind. What marshmallow? Marshmallows are for the weak.
Yes, what you and I need is permission to actually do something fun with the pennies we hoard.
I worked in a nursing home once upon a time. There were two residents there at the same time whose stories were remarkably different.
An elderly woman with terrible short-term memory told me over and over: “My husband and I had made all these plans about all the places we were going to visit after he retired. National parks. We had the brochures. But then he retired and he dropped dead so we never got the chance to take those trips.”
On the other side of the building lived a woman in her 50’s. Some sort of stroke had left her permanently unable to get out of bed. Her husband visited every day. He sat on the edge of the bed and told me about all the trips they went on, the live music they heard. They really had a great time with the time they had.
wow thank you for sharing those examples Pam. that perfectly sums up the two opposite sides of the spectrum. its a never ending struggle trying to find the right balance between the two.
Urban legend: One of the kids who participated in Mischel's experiment pocketed his marshmallows. Took them home. Preserved them for decades while living an austere life. Recently, he auctioned them off for millions. The buyer? Also one of the kids from the experiment! But this kid ate his marshmallow immediately. When he grew up, he kept seizing prizes professionally. Now he has his marshmallows and ate it, too.
(Oh yeah, and he claims he cajoled his mom into buying him a bag of marshmallows from the store on the way home from the experiment, anyway.)
Haha that's great! I wonder how they were able to keep those marshmallows fresh for so long? Probably because they were never fresh in the first place.
That's one of the reasons in economics, we have a concave utility consumption function - that is the more of a good you get, the less utility you get out of it. This also touches on an interesting topics in economics - the permanent income hypothesis. Basically, that the individual should spend a constant amount throughout life (and optimally not have anything left over at the end.) There are two interesting points from this:
1) when you are young you should technically be heavily in debt, because your income will grow over your life, but you can't go back in time to spend it. However, many people (including me) are terrified of debt.
2) why do people leave bequests - there are several theories and the like, but none are truly satisfying explanations (or at least measurable ones).
Those are some great points. Have you read the book Die with zero? The author touches on those in depth. I think you'd like it.
He makes the argument that we should worry less about saving the small sums of money we earn early in our careers because we more than likely will earn much more as we age.
And maybe even more fascinating to me was his take on leaving money to your loved ones or charities after you die. They will get way more benefit from a smaller sum of money now instead of giving it to them when they are older. Your 30 year old daughter would benefit way more from $10,000 now than $100,000 when she's 60. Same for charities.
This is the same logic as the economist points out, no? By going into debt when young, your older self is charitably giving away their inheritance to your younger self.
"How pathetic." You're hilarious and this is a good reminder to have balance in life, instead of punishing ourselves for something that MAY or MAY NOT come later.
Honestly, I've always had the opposite problem where delaying gratification is hard for me. I'm in a season right now where I'm forcing myself to go the other way. Take cold showers, make content every week, hit the gym more often, etc.
I don't think it's a black and white problem which is why I'm torn. I want to find the right balance but it's harder than it sounds. Props to you for pushing yourself!
Thanks man! I totally agree that it isn't that simple, but fighting for something that forces me to progress but also enjoy life at same time is worth it.
Furthermore, marshmallows are made of 50% air, which to your point, means half of our delayed gratification efforts amount to a reward of literally nothing—and I should know as my logic contains roughly the same amount of substance. And by the way, please stop including useful resources in these emails. I thought I was going to get through this one, but you're the third person who's recommended Die with Zero, and now I have to read it so I can die with nothing in the bank, but surrounded by books.
Haha it's easy to ignore one or two recommendations, but once you've received the third one then it's a sign! You won't be disappointed. I wouldn't mind being buried in my library.
Wonderful writing; I enjoyed the humor; very entertaining!
thank you Francyne. did anything specific stick with you?
“Here lies a man who accumulated millions of marshmallows but never discovered what they taste like.” -- Yep. 100%. On the other hand, this current obsession with instant gratification ain't good either. We should try to position ourselves in the middle. Like, how about durable gratification? Good stuff, Arman. :)
This comment made me think about Martin Hagglund's "This Life" which touched upon some of that.
Oh that's a good one -- Durable Gratification. Where do you find yourself on the spectrum?
I think that he had some screws loose!
don't we all!
Speak for yourself.
Great essay! You’re right that there’s no one-size fits all approach. I’m like you. Even as a kid I could put my head down and grind. What marshmallow? Marshmallows are for the weak.
Yes, what you and I need is permission to actually do something fun with the pennies we hoard.
I worked in a nursing home once upon a time. There were two residents there at the same time whose stories were remarkably different.
An elderly woman with terrible short-term memory told me over and over: “My husband and I had made all these plans about all the places we were going to visit after he retired. National parks. We had the brochures. But then he retired and he dropped dead so we never got the chance to take those trips.”
On the other side of the building lived a woman in her 50’s. Some sort of stroke had left her permanently unable to get out of bed. Her husband visited every day. He sat on the edge of the bed and told me about all the trips they went on, the live music they heard. They really had a great time with the time they had.
It left an impression on me.
wow thank you for sharing those examples Pam. that perfectly sums up the two opposite sides of the spectrum. its a never ending struggle trying to find the right balance between the two.
Urban legend: One of the kids who participated in Mischel's experiment pocketed his marshmallows. Took them home. Preserved them for decades while living an austere life. Recently, he auctioned them off for millions. The buyer? Also one of the kids from the experiment! But this kid ate his marshmallow immediately. When he grew up, he kept seizing prizes professionally. Now he has his marshmallows and ate it, too.
(Oh yeah, and he claims he cajoled his mom into buying him a bag of marshmallows from the store on the way home from the experiment, anyway.)
Haha that's great! I wonder how they were able to keep those marshmallows fresh for so long? Probably because they were never fresh in the first place.
That's one of the reasons in economics, we have a concave utility consumption function - that is the more of a good you get, the less utility you get out of it. This also touches on an interesting topics in economics - the permanent income hypothesis. Basically, that the individual should spend a constant amount throughout life (and optimally not have anything left over at the end.) There are two interesting points from this:
1) when you are young you should technically be heavily in debt, because your income will grow over your life, but you can't go back in time to spend it. However, many people (including me) are terrified of debt.
2) why do people leave bequests - there are several theories and the like, but none are truly satisfying explanations (or at least measurable ones).
Those are some great points. Have you read the book Die with zero? The author touches on those in depth. I think you'd like it.
He makes the argument that we should worry less about saving the small sums of money we earn early in our careers because we more than likely will earn much more as we age.
And maybe even more fascinating to me was his take on leaving money to your loved ones or charities after you die. They will get way more benefit from a smaller sum of money now instead of giving it to them when they are older. Your 30 year old daughter would benefit way more from $10,000 now than $100,000 when she's 60. Same for charities.
This is the same logic as the economist points out, no? By going into debt when young, your older self is charitably giving away their inheritance to your younger self.
I like that. I want to find the right balance of my younger self caring about my older self and vice versa.
"How pathetic." You're hilarious and this is a good reminder to have balance in life, instead of punishing ourselves for something that MAY or MAY NOT come later.
It's all about finding that balance that feels right to each of us. Where do you find yourself on the gratification spectrum?
Honestly, I've always had the opposite problem where delaying gratification is hard for me. I'm in a season right now where I'm forcing myself to go the other way. Take cold showers, make content every week, hit the gym more often, etc.
I don't think it's a black and white problem which is why I'm torn. I want to find the right balance but it's harder than it sounds. Props to you for pushing yourself!
Thanks man! I totally agree that it isn't that simple, but fighting for something that forces me to progress but also enjoy life at same time is worth it.
Couldn't agree more!
Furthermore, marshmallows are made of 50% air, which to your point, means half of our delayed gratification efforts amount to a reward of literally nothing—and I should know as my logic contains roughly the same amount of substance. And by the way, please stop including useful resources in these emails. I thought I was going to get through this one, but you're the third person who's recommended Die with Zero, and now I have to read it so I can die with nothing in the bank, but surrounded by books.
Haha it's easy to ignore one or two recommendations, but once you've received the third one then it's a sign! You won't be disappointed. I wouldn't mind being buried in my library.
Life’s too short for delayed gratification smh
Let's get all the gratification we can from the time we've got