The worst string of words in the English language?

prepare to have shivers sent down your spine

Have you ever wondered how many words there are?

Well, according to the fine folks over at The OED (Oxford English Dictionary), there are 171,476 English words currently in use.

Now, I’m no mathematician, but that means there’s roughly seven gazillion potential ways to craft a sentence.

Random question: what’s the worst possible string of 15 words in the English language?

Why just English, you ask?

Because I’m an American. And one of our last remaining creeds that unites us is that no other language exists.

But c’mon, who has the time to sift through gazillions of sentences?

Yet by god, I think I’ve found it!

A word of warning: please don’t read the following string of 15 words aloud as it may cause you or those around you to faint, hyperventilate, or worse. Don’t even whisper it. Just read it silently to yourself…

Maybe before we get started we can quickly go around the room and introduce ourselves.

Oh the horror. The absolute horror.

Shit. I didn’t heed my own warning. And now my palms are dripping with sweat.

Merely writing those words sends shivers down my spine. And not the good kind like when someone cancels plans for something you never wanted to go to in the first place.

I’m instantly teleported back to three all-too-familiar situations: sitting at my desk in homeroom on the first day of high school, sitting around a conference table wearing an ill-fitting suit on my first day of work, and worst of all, awkwardly standing in a kumbaya-style circle at that networking event I got conned into attending because the sign said there’d be an open bar (liars!).

Extroverts can’t relate. But the real silent majority (aka introverts) know exactly what I’m talking about.

This got me scratching my head as I asked myself, “Why is this such a universal fear?”

Is it the fear your voice will crack? Sure.

Is it the fear you’ll forget your “fun” fact? Yes.

Is it the fear you’ll just be terribly uninteresting? Yep.

That’s already a nasty fear soup right there. But I can’t help thinking there’s more to it.

Yep, it’s definitely deeper than that.

It took me a while to put my finger on it, but I think more generally, it’s the fear of being judged.

First, you’ll say something stupid. Second, everyone will judge you. Third, you’ll never be able to show your face in public again. Fourth, you will die.

Or at least that’s been my experience.

So the crippling fear of being judged leads to us saying and doing plenty of ridiculous stuff, right?

Wrong.

Quite the opposite in fact.

It often prevents us from doing or saying anything.

We think, better to do nothing and not make a peep so as not to be judged. Which freezes us into a permafrost-like state of inaction and silence.

That’s a tragedy.

You can probably tell where this is going.

I don’t know many fundamental truths, but one that I’m certain of?

Nobody cares about anybody more than themselves.

It’s so obvious, but I’m a big fan of the obvious business.

No one is thinking about you (judging you) all that much because they are so preoccupied by a certain individual who is infinitely more important. Themselves.

Think about it: do you remember anyone’s “fun” fact? Do you even remember their name?

Hell, I have a hard enough time trying to recall my own name when it’s my turn to introduce myself.

So what?

It’s trite but worth saying because I need to remind myself constantly…

Be unapologetically you.

Make an absolute fool of yourself however you see fit.

Will you be judged?

For a nanosecond (if you’re lucky).

Then the judgers will go right on back to the serious business of judging themselves.

PS — My go-to fun fact is that I got hit by an SUV when I was crossing the street at five years old. Go ahead, judge me!

Your thoughts? Comments? Complaints? Please leave a reply below.