Arman, this is awesome! I appreciate how you took this introduction idea right down the rabbit hole to get to what's really going on. I read somewhere (sorry I can't quote a source because I don't remember) that for many folks the fear of public speaking is similar to the fear of death. That's a tough one. It's interesting that I can stand on a stage and introduce myself or have someone else intro me and be okay with it but if we are going around a circle doing a blah-blah-blah self-introduction I start to get extra nervous. I agree that it's likely a fear of being judged and, because we are up close to the others, it seems like it's very personal.
thank you Donna I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I'm a big fan of going down random rabbit holes haha.
Wow I wouldn't have expected to hear that the kumbaya circle is still frightening to you if you're able to speak on stage confidently. Why do you think that is?
“And one of our last remaining creeds that unites us is that no other language exists.” An underrated sentence, I don’t want you to think it went unnoticed! Thank you for this humorous and relatable piece, perfect start to a Wednesday morning.
“Silent majority” that’s a unique way to describe us and I love itttt.
And, thank you for this piece. I always remind myself that no one really cares about my mistakes and at the end of the day, we’re all too busy worrying about ourselves. Thank you for being the one to remind me this time around.
When I read you, I am thinking, "this guy is pretty good. It sounds sincere." It does not sound fake, you see. You have really thought about it before writing.
The problem, however, is that there is not anything new. It is pure syrup of sincerity. You proved you are sincere but you didn't give us any real reason for reading it.
At first, I wanted to argue with you and try to defend myself. But then I realized you're right.
Then this Andre Gide quote came to mind :) "Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But since no one was listening, everything must be said again"
> It's interesting that I can stand on a stage and introduce myself or have someone else intro me and be okay with it but if we are going around a circle doing a blah-blah-blah self-introduction I start to get extra nervous. I agree that it's likely a fear of being judged and, because we are up close to the others, it seems like it's very personal.
I have a similar thing. Speech before an audience, no problem -- master of my topic. Socially on-the-spot, no idea what to say. Maybe the uncomfortableness really comes from the fact that I think the go-round-the-table game is stupid/silly/ridiculous but I'm reluctant to offend everyone by letting that opinion be perceived. So I'm forced into trying to manufacture some social statement that hides my contempt, a difficult and distasteful act which I know is likely to fail.
Then again, maybe the only reason I have contempt for the introduction game is because I am "alternately abled" in the social department.
I think the bottom line is what Arman said and just let your real self show. Could be it actually goes over well anyway. Very few people like these things and probably appreciate seeing someone who refuses to get flustered.
I liked your Post, but I can see not many people think of a string of words as I see a string of words in the computational view of some things.
Funny, I always laughed, innerly, about those meetings when presented such rhetorics: we should go around and introduce ourselves, etc.
But, you do make a really strong positive point: most people are more concerned, even worried, about their own "introduction" than anyone else's.
But that was not my case, I never was trying to make a good impression of myself, I had the knowledge that I could not achieve such in a few minutes, and some of who I was and what I did, was not for public statement.
But, it is a good and strong point, I heard that before from an HR woman who tried to ease us when presenting ourselves to other People, in this specific case, potential future coworkers. Decades ago...
And it is somewhat ironic and counterintuitive that by focusing on the potential self embarrassment one can feel more relaxed to present oneself to others.
That is something not clear in your post, but I think it is worth considering since it is not obvious and I think it is worth appreciating: worrying a little more about self embarrassment can put oneself more at ease, sometimes...
thank you Federico. I hadn't thought about it that way but you make a good point. Maybe when we realize most everyone else is just as susceptible to embarrassment it makes it seem slightly less intimidating?
And plus, at the end of the day, pretty much every embarrassing situation sticks in our memory and can at least lead to a funny story. I'll take that every time!
I never got to argue it with someone, the HR woman kind of put a barrier between us, but I guess it could be about dispersion of attention.
It kind of brings self attention and at the same time concern, care for others, those who can also be embarrassed, and in that way it focus dispersedly on the group, not just on oneself...
It's funny, because I thought in your original note that you hate that string of words so much because it's so useless for strangers to have a round of introduction as you have no reason to remember anything, so you won't -- but feeling uneasy doing it makes it even worse. I remember this anxiety from when I was younger, but being a teacher made me kind of immune as it's my job to be stared at and judged by one of the most egomaniac and sadistical part of the populace, teenagers :)
I still have this problem on the cell phone though when trying to introduce myself to a stranger I feel like I cannot pronounce my own name and sound like the guy in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when introducing himself at the hotel xD
haha I have so much more respect for you teachers now. I'm sure the fear vanishes after years and hundreds of eyeballs staring at you all day. I still dont know how you do it with the scariest population of all, teenagers!
Love this, such a good reminder that nobody really gives us all that much thought. Which is both liberating and kind of depressing at the same time. But mostly liberating. PS, hope your 5-year-old self was okay!
OMG to getting hit by an SUV, how can we judge you, you were five! But yes to all this, the sweats the whole nasty business around the circle. I tell this to my teen daughters all the time who can't do anything bc self-conscious, No One Cares About You. Not because everyone is so terrible and mean, but because they too are so fully self-consumed. Same goes for adults. We are sitting around the dreaded share-table and only busy internally practicing our own intro, not listening. It's a bit of a tragedy of our lives that no one's listening, but that's another story... Thanks for sharing, nice to meet you, ha.
nice to meet you too! thank you for reading and sharing this. your daughters have been given an invaluable lesson. I hope to instill the same thing in my kids (whenever they come into existence).
PS - I have no noticeable effects from the accident. But I did learn another great lesson from that experience too. Look both ways before crossing the street :)
word string ✅
"You go first"
Another one is "I don't care, what do you want to do?" OMG!!!
oof I'm guilty of this more than I care to admit...
haha I need to start using that
Arman, this is awesome! I appreciate how you took this introduction idea right down the rabbit hole to get to what's really going on. I read somewhere (sorry I can't quote a source because I don't remember) that for many folks the fear of public speaking is similar to the fear of death. That's a tough one. It's interesting that I can stand on a stage and introduce myself or have someone else intro me and be okay with it but if we are going around a circle doing a blah-blah-blah self-introduction I start to get extra nervous. I agree that it's likely a fear of being judged and, because we are up close to the others, it seems like it's very personal.
Great essay.
thank you Donna I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I'm a big fan of going down random rabbit holes haha.
Wow I wouldn't have expected to hear that the kumbaya circle is still frightening to you if you're able to speak on stage confidently. Why do you think that is?
That string of words is the five-second warning before my soul ejects from my body and watches in horror as I attempt to recall my own name.
hahaha you described my exact experience perfectly :)
“And one of our last remaining creeds that unites us is that no other language exists.” An underrated sentence, I don’t want you to think it went unnoticed! Thank you for this humorous and relatable piece, perfect start to a Wednesday morning.
haha thank you I wondered if anyone else would chuckle at that line as much as I did when I wrote it. I'm very glad you enjoyed it :)
True. Nobody will remember what anyone said. Might as well have fun with it
amen
“Silent majority” that’s a unique way to describe us and I love itttt.
And, thank you for this piece. I always remind myself that no one really cares about my mistakes and at the end of the day, we’re all too busy worrying about ourselves. Thank you for being the one to remind me this time around.
thank you that phrase just randomly popped into my head when I sat down to write this and I thought it was a unique way to describe us :)
its so obvious when we think about it but we (okay I) need to be reminded of it constantly!
When I read you, I am thinking, "this guy is pretty good. It sounds sincere." It does not sound fake, you see. You have really thought about it before writing.
The problem, however, is that there is not anything new. It is pure syrup of sincerity. You proved you are sincere but you didn't give us any real reason for reading it.
No real point to it.
At first, I wanted to argue with you and try to defend myself. But then I realized you're right.
Then this Andre Gide quote came to mind :) "Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But since no one was listening, everything must be said again"
@Donna McArthur
> It's interesting that I can stand on a stage and introduce myself or have someone else intro me and be okay with it but if we are going around a circle doing a blah-blah-blah self-introduction I start to get extra nervous. I agree that it's likely a fear of being judged and, because we are up close to the others, it seems like it's very personal.
I have a similar thing. Speech before an audience, no problem -- master of my topic. Socially on-the-spot, no idea what to say. Maybe the uncomfortableness really comes from the fact that I think the go-round-the-table game is stupid/silly/ridiculous but I'm reluctant to offend everyone by letting that opinion be perceived. So I'm forced into trying to manufacture some social statement that hides my contempt, a difficult and distasteful act which I know is likely to fail.
Then again, maybe the only reason I have contempt for the introduction game is because I am "alternately abled" in the social department.
I think the bottom line is what Arman said and just let your real self show. Could be it actually goes over well anyway. Very few people like these things and probably appreciate seeing someone who refuses to get flustered.
> "Maybe before we get started we can quickly go around the room and introduce ourselves."
You so nailed it. Those are the words. And the best advice, pretty sure.
It still gives me goosebumps... haha thank you I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Literally used that sentence "let's go around the room" just last week. 😂 I apologise 😔😅
haha why oh why would you do that to those poor souls?!
Because "I would like to hear from everyone" 😁
Ahhh you're one of those folks ;) We need more of your kind in the world
I liked your Post, but I can see not many people think of a string of words as I see a string of words in the computational view of some things.
Funny, I always laughed, innerly, about those meetings when presented such rhetorics: we should go around and introduce ourselves, etc.
But, you do make a really strong positive point: most people are more concerned, even worried, about their own "introduction" than anyone else's.
But that was not my case, I never was trying to make a good impression of myself, I had the knowledge that I could not achieve such in a few minutes, and some of who I was and what I did, was not for public statement.
But, it is a good and strong point, I heard that before from an HR woman who tried to ease us when presenting ourselves to other People, in this specific case, potential future coworkers. Decades ago...
And it is somewhat ironic and counterintuitive that by focusing on the potential self embarrassment one can feel more relaxed to present oneself to others.
That is something not clear in your post, but I think it is worth considering since it is not obvious and I think it is worth appreciating: worrying a little more about self embarrassment can put oneself more at ease, sometimes...
thank you Federico. I hadn't thought about it that way but you make a good point. Maybe when we realize most everyone else is just as susceptible to embarrassment it makes it seem slightly less intimidating?
And plus, at the end of the day, pretty much every embarrassing situation sticks in our memory and can at least lead to a funny story. I'll take that every time!
I never got to argue it with someone, the HR woman kind of put a barrier between us, but I guess it could be about dispersion of attention.
It kind of brings self attention and at the same time concern, care for others, those who can also be embarrassed, and in that way it focus dispersedly on the group, not just on oneself...
You've clearly thought about this a lot. I appreciate you sharing and opening my mind to new perspectives!
It's funny, because I thought in your original note that you hate that string of words so much because it's so useless for strangers to have a round of introduction as you have no reason to remember anything, so you won't -- but feeling uneasy doing it makes it even worse. I remember this anxiety from when I was younger, but being a teacher made me kind of immune as it's my job to be stared at and judged by one of the most egomaniac and sadistical part of the populace, teenagers :)
I still have this problem on the cell phone though when trying to introduce myself to a stranger I feel like I cannot pronounce my own name and sound like the guy in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when introducing himself at the hotel xD
haha I have so much more respect for you teachers now. I'm sure the fear vanishes after years and hundreds of eyeballs staring at you all day. I still dont know how you do it with the scariest population of all, teenagers!
Judgment of our peers is probably the thing we fear and loathe the most. A fate almost worse than death
yep. its right up there with public speaking. which I guess is just another entry point to being judged.
Love this, such a good reminder that nobody really gives us all that much thought. Which is both liberating and kind of depressing at the same time. But mostly liberating. PS, hope your 5-year-old self was okay!
haha you aren't wrong. it is a little sad but I hope it gives us permission to do and say whatever the heck we want!
And thank you. My five year old self was down and out for a while but he survived to tell the tale :)
OMG to getting hit by an SUV, how can we judge you, you were five! But yes to all this, the sweats the whole nasty business around the circle. I tell this to my teen daughters all the time who can't do anything bc self-conscious, No One Cares About You. Not because everyone is so terrible and mean, but because they too are so fully self-consumed. Same goes for adults. We are sitting around the dreaded share-table and only busy internally practicing our own intro, not listening. It's a bit of a tragedy of our lives that no one's listening, but that's another story... Thanks for sharing, nice to meet you, ha.
nice to meet you too! thank you for reading and sharing this. your daughters have been given an invaluable lesson. I hope to instill the same thing in my kids (whenever they come into existence).
PS - I have no noticeable effects from the accident. But I did learn another great lesson from that experience too. Look both ways before crossing the street :)
Glad you were relatively unscathed, and a good lesson for all!
I will be having nightmares!
my deepest condolences Lindsey :)