I’ve been a marriage counselor for a while, like 40 years. There’s about 25 more “truisms”…my number one “add” would be, and this gets more vital once you squirt out some children, keep your marriage first in priority, and keep marital time: no work, kids, friends, family, whatever…sacred. Don’t unschedule it. Don’t push it. Talks, dates, vacations- just you two. Keep it sacred and unmovable. I enjoy your writing…
I love your list so far. I’d also consider adding “grow with your partner”…while you can’t change the other person, each of you will inevitably grow and evolve. Be willing to join them in that journey and evolve yourself. You won’t be married to the same person you married - but if you do it together - you’ll both be better versions of your old self. But if you expect them to stay the same… be prepared to call that divorce attorney you referenced…
Arman, if people head over heels in love would follow your three suggestions before tying the knot, my guess is that the divorce rate would drop about 80%. Thank you for sharing this helpful slice of wisdom.
Great article, Arman. Choosing to be with a partner for life can be scary. The same person, everyday. But the fact is, it’s never the same person. You will not be the same on the first day of marriage as you will be 50 years in. It’s how you grow together through all the things life may throw at you that really shapes not only who you are as a person but who you are as a couple. The vows we say can hit closer than we want sometimes…for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health…I have experienced them all. But a true marriage is built on stability, yes in each other, but it starts with the individual. If you truly know yourself and love who you are, the growth won’t be so scary. And each little thing you will go through together will create little scars. A toughness in places that matter. And that is where not only the love will grow, but the admiration for each other as well. Congratuations on your marriage. It’s the best (hardest!… well, besides kids… ;) thing you will ever do. I promise.💜
I'll say my first marriage ended after thirty years. I regret that. We grew apart and made many mistakes with each other. I still love that woman. I met another after a couple years. We were together for fourteen. She passed from cancer. I'm on my last now. Strangely we never fight nor do we raise our voices in anger. Our 2nd anniversary is Saturday the 21st. Solstice. I told my last wife we would be together until one of us died. I told Vicky (this one) that this time I must go first. The death of Renee hit me harder than the passing of my mother. Vicky is hereby bound to the world until I pass away. I've learned how to be a good husband and how to communicate and how to shut up. Respect for each other is ESSENTIAL. Avoid taking anything for granted. Love each other every day.
Loved it. I have been married 28 years now. And for the past two years i have realised that agreeing with your wife all times(well most of the time) is very important.
If you are only agreeing to keep the peace, you likely will come to resent your wife. Your opinions matter too. And you can’t lie to yourself. You will know that you are betraying yourself by not speaking up.
I’ve been a marriage counselor for a while, like 40 years. There’s about 25 more “truisms”…my number one “add” would be, and this gets more vital once you squirt out some children, keep your marriage first in priority, and keep marital time: no work, kids, friends, family, whatever…sacred. Don’t unschedule it. Don’t push it. Talks, dates, vacations- just you two. Keep it sacred and unmovable. I enjoy your writing…
I love your list so far. I’d also consider adding “grow with your partner”…while you can’t change the other person, each of you will inevitably grow and evolve. Be willing to join them in that journey and evolve yourself. You won’t be married to the same person you married - but if you do it together - you’ll both be better versions of your old self. But if you expect them to stay the same… be prepared to call that divorce attorney you referenced…
Yes. Everyone changes through time. I'm certainly not the 20 year old that married the wonderful girl.
Arman, if people head over heels in love would follow your three suggestions before tying the knot, my guess is that the divorce rate would drop about 80%. Thank you for sharing this helpful slice of wisdom.
Great article, Arman. Choosing to be with a partner for life can be scary. The same person, everyday. But the fact is, it’s never the same person. You will not be the same on the first day of marriage as you will be 50 years in. It’s how you grow together through all the things life may throw at you that really shapes not only who you are as a person but who you are as a couple. The vows we say can hit closer than we want sometimes…for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health…I have experienced them all. But a true marriage is built on stability, yes in each other, but it starts with the individual. If you truly know yourself and love who you are, the growth won’t be so scary. And each little thing you will go through together will create little scars. A toughness in places that matter. And that is where not only the love will grow, but the admiration for each other as well. Congratuations on your marriage. It’s the best (hardest!… well, besides kids… ;) thing you will ever do. I promise.💜
I'll say my first marriage ended after thirty years. I regret that. We grew apart and made many mistakes with each other. I still love that woman. I met another after a couple years. We were together for fourteen. She passed from cancer. I'm on my last now. Strangely we never fight nor do we raise our voices in anger. Our 2nd anniversary is Saturday the 21st. Solstice. I told my last wife we would be together until one of us died. I told Vicky (this one) that this time I must go first. The death of Renee hit me harder than the passing of my mother. Vicky is hereby bound to the world until I pass away. I've learned how to be a good husband and how to communicate and how to shut up. Respect for each other is ESSENTIAL. Avoid taking anything for granted. Love each other every day.
Loved it. I have been married 28 years now. And for the past two years i have realised that agreeing with your wife all times(well most of the time) is very important.
If you are only agreeing to keep the peace, you likely will come to resent your wife. Your opinions matter too. And you can’t lie to yourself. You will know that you are betraying yourself by not speaking up.